Drunken Singing Cures All Ills
by Master Fedora
Summary: It's a horrible songfic. Lily and James have gotten hitched and two men aren't very happy about it. My muse should be slapped or at least sedated.


Title: Drunken Singing Cures All Ills  
Fandom: Harry Potter  
Pairings: One sided Remus/Lily and Snape/Lily, mentions of Lily/James, Snape/Remus if you squint.  
Warning: OOCness abounds for I am not well.

Snape couldn't believe where he was. The sun beat down nastily on him and he scowled at the ocean. He was at the beach. He was at a tropical beach, sitting at a bar. Dumbledore had insisted he come down here after Potter and that Mudblood had gotten married. Like he really cared what they did. He took another long gulp from his drink and sat in denial awhile longer.

(omg line break!)

Lupin blinked at the map in front of him. Dumbledore had told him to meet Snape at the Brooks Tavern but he couldn't seem to locate it. He was grateful to the old man for taking his mind off the recent wedding. He heart twinged a little as he thought of Lily. He was happy for his friends. He looked around and ignored his denial.

Snape looked up in surprise as Lupin walked up to the bar. "Lupin, what are you doing here?" he sneered.

Lupin shrugged, unaffected by Snape's attitude. "Dumbledore told me to come down here to meet you. Isn't that what he told you?"

"No, he sent me down here to take my mind off the recent wedd...never mind. Go away."

Lupin paused then whispered, "Lily?"

Snape stared in front of him a long while then shoved a glass in front of Lupin. "Have a drink Lupin."

(behold! a line break!)

"He's so arrogant!" Lupin exclaimed slurring his words slightly.

"What's up with his hair?" Snape remarked, much in the same condition.

"I know!" Lupin agreed.

"Look at me! I'm James Potter! I can play Quidditch!" Snape stated in a singsong voice.

"I'm so smart!"

"I'm so handsome!"

"Whatever!" they yelled in unison.

"I don't know what Evans saw in him. You're much better looking and much smarter." Snape told Lupin, nodding sagely at his drink.

"Thank you. So are you." Lupin declared and they clinked glasses.

There was a twangy kind of music playing on the jukebox.

Snape looked up. "Hey I know this song."

Lupin squinted at the jukebox and thought visibly. "How? S'muggle song."

Snape shrugged or attempted to. "Dunno. Just do." He began to sing along.

_I was feeling the blues  
I was watching the news  
When this fellow came on tv  
He said I'm telling you  
That science has proof  
That heartaches are healed by the sea  
Well that got me going  
Without even knowing  
I packed right up and drove down  
Now I'm on a roll and I swear to my soul  
Tonight I'm gonna paint this town_

Lupin stared but suddenly recalled the chorus and sang along.

_So bring me two pina coladas  
I want one for each hand  
Let's set sail with Captain Morgan  
Oh and never leave dry land  
Oh troubles I forgot 'em  
I buried in the sand  
So bring me two pina coladas  
She said goodbye to her good timing man_

They both stood up, drinks in hand as Remus took the next verse.

_Well now I've gotta say  
That the wind and the waves  
And the moon winking down at me  
Eases my mind by leaving behind  
The heartaches that love often brings  
Now I've got a smile that goes on for miles  
With no inclination to roam  
Well I gotta say that I think I'm gonna stay  
Cause this is feeling more and more like home_

They belted out the chorus, the rest of the bar cheering them on. Arms slung around each other, they led the entire bar in a rousing chorus:

_Bring me two pina coladas!  
I want one for each hand!  
Let's all set sail with Captain Morgan  
And we will never leave dry land  
Yeah troubles I forgot 'em  
I buried in the sand  
So bring me two pina coladas  
And say hello to her good timing man!_

With that they sunk to the floor, supporting each other. After awhile of silence after the applause had died down, Lupin seemed to come out of his stupor. "Y'know the moon doesn't really ease my mind." he stated thoughtfully.

Snape nods, "Well I've never watched a muggle television. It's just a song."

"We're never going to tell anybody about this are we?"

"Oh God no. I'll deny it with my dying breath."

Lupin smiled. "Good."


End file.
